Jayme has decided to go on hospice care. She has stopped taking her meds and has decided that she is ready to die. She really wants to come home to die, but unfortunately it may not happen. I worry about what she will go through in the dying process and the impact that will have on my kids. Especially Carter, he is so impressionable. I don't want to have him witness her when she gets confused and starts yelling. I don't want him to think that death is a horrible thing. I want him to remember the grandma who was excited to see him, the grandma who would read to him. I don't want his last memory of her to be as she is dying. We are working hard right now to figure out a way to surround her with people who care as much as possible, but it's hard with just us.

She is very happy with her decision, and I think it will help us all accept it a little easier now that she has. She will be missed dearly, but I think she already is. This is not the Jayme who everyone knew and loved.

Jayme went to the hospital today. At first, she said she didn't want to go, but changed her mind after a few minutes. She has been refusing her meds today and hasn't been eating or drinking much. She said she was in pain, that she just didn't feel well. The doctors there sent her back to the nursing home because there really isn't much they can do for her. They basically said that she should be on hospice so that she can be comfortable. I don't want to sound harsh, but the reality is that she is dying. There is a consensus among all the doctors that have seen her that she is not a candidate for a liver transplant and without that any aggressive treatment would just prolong her misery. She has no quality of life right now. She sleeps all day. She does get happy when we go visit, but when we leave she goes back to sleep. She likes the lights off and the door shut. She doesn't leave her bed for anything. They stopped trying to do physical therapy a few weeks ago because she wasn't doing it. Unfortunately, she is having a hard time accepting this, which is understandable. I just know that it would be easier for everyone else to accept it if she would and I think the opposite is probably true too. I think a part of her doesn't want to let everyone else who is pushing so hard for her down. It has to be hard to tell your kids that you are tired and just want to be done.

Anyways, if you would like to talk to her, please call. I have found that if I call twice it allows her more time to find the phone and answer, so you may want to try that, and then leave a message on the second call.

This probably doesn't come as a surprise, and I know I have been wrong about this before, but I think we should probably be prepared for her to go fairly soon. Of course, she may prove me wrong and stick around - we'll see.

I haven't posted because there really hasn't been much to report. Mentally, Jayme is doing well, she is interacting well with us and seems to know what is going on. Physically, she is the same. She is weak and tired. She spends most of her day sleeping. Mike and I try to visit as often as possible, usually every day. We have brought her things to do, she just seems tired. She was discharged from physical therapy today because she wasn't doing anything with it. She can ask for it, but they aren't going to be coming into her room every day to be turned away.

In other news, everything went through with the sale of the house and we are just working with a lawyer and Social Security to figure out what we can do with the proceeds. We should have it all figured out soon.

I think that's all. Keep up the encouragement, you never know what impacy it may have.